When I am struggling, and temporarily forget who I am, I am always relieved to know that EVERYONE shares this human experience at some point.
So in the spirit of keeping it real, and perhaps passing on this relief to know we are not alone, here a little story…
4/26/2016
I’ve been in Germany for more than six weeks now.
The outside circumstances that are the reason for this trip (more to that at another point), require enormous amounts of self-care.
I meditate every morning, and stretch out most mornings right after.
I’ve learned that anything can get us present (back into the flow) if we let it.
Well, this morning, I didn’t let myself.
I woke up feeling grumpy.
The grump actually woke me up.
And as like attracts like, before pressing “play” on my guided meditation, I checked my messages on my phone.
Already off-centered, I let one of the texts I received annoy me even more.
Ok, let’s meditate and get to inner peace.
Everything else will fall into place.
During meditation, my thoughts just kept bouncing around back to that message.
Shit, I’m not present.
Meditation is finished and I notice I’m even less at peace.
I’m in a state of resistance.
So I jump on my Yoga mat and played some tunes in a healing frequency.
That’ll have to do…
I stretch and breathe, and the resistance keeps building and building.
Now I’m 30 minutes into my day and I’m not at peace.
What to do?
Surrender-my soul whispers.
As an empowerment teacher and student of life, I have been here many many times before. And I have been taught, and can only validate that, no matter how much of a “goddess” or “spiritual gangster” we are, we are not exempt from feeling the human experience.
I sure like to resist anyways (insert big lip pouty face)
Peace is not the point, being is. Just be.
Eventually, in a deep hip stretch, I start to cry.
Ahhhh, finally. Relief.
I let the tears roll, doing my best not to question what it is about.
Because it never matters. And it does not take Sherlock Holmes to know what’s hurting.
Once finished (with crying), I was able see clearly again.
Sure, it does not change anything around me, but it does cleanse the lense:
I always have a choice, we always do.
And the kindest choice available seems to be to show up for myself like my own best friend;
I’m not at peace. And I accept myself and this experience fully. I accept that I am not at peace.
(Thank you Eckhart Tolle for this golden nugget)
That’s what I needed to actually feel expansive again: Acceptance.
Thing is, as a spiritual being having a human experience, we know that we are here to feel good and that JOY and PEACE is our natural state.
We know that we are in charge of how we feel.
We create our reality.
The ego, well, my ego, just looooves to poke around whenever I don’t feel good.
Especially since accepting my life’s purpose as a teacher and coach, my ego just loves to put extra pressure on.
I like to call this member of the negative committee in my head the high and mighty Yogi:
(Ego) ooooh, you don’t feel good?! That’s bad!! You should be feeling better than you are! You teach this stuff, and you know what to do, so why aren’t you feeling good? This needs to be fixed right now! Get to inner peace already. See, if you are in charge of how you feel, why aren’t you peaceful ALL THE TIME.
You suck!
(Insert big giggle fest)
No matter how empowered or awakened we are, we cannot get around the nature of things.
And it is part of the human experience to have emotions that don’t feel pleasant.
The soul knows not to evaluate and just to accept. The ego judges that as weak and passive.
It’s all about choice and consequence.
I find that when I, and when people generally radically accept themselves and the situation as is-life gets a lot more enjoyable and downstream.
Unpleasant emotions are the soul’s way to always guide us back home…if we let them.
Finding the key to unlock the learning opportunity takes curiosity and always a massive dose of
Acceptance.
We cannot mediate or intellectualize our way around pain, even if we spend the rest of our physical experience in a vacuum.
It all begins with the judgement of the ego that feelings are “bad” to begin with, and that in turn those “bad” feelings need “fixing.”
That kind of pressure to always be happy, to always be peaceful is just another way the ego is grasping.
And we know that grasping (attachment) is the root cause of suffering.
Soooooo, that all was yesterday.
I feel more energized, relieved, and downstream and have been able to show up more fully to life. Am I totally peaceful and centered? No.
And I trust that the more I choose radical acceptance and surrender into feeling, dealing, healing what is, the better I feel.
I am definitely having more fun this way.
Even though I’m not yet feeling peaceful and joyful, I am willing to fully accept myself and this moment.
So, here is the breakdown, in case this ever happens for you:
1. Self awareness: I’m feeling sad/angry/scared.
2. Compassionate Self acceptance: even though I am not at peace, I am willing to fully accept myself and this moment.
Much love.
